Laughs vs. Joy

I have a really convincing fake laugh... not like i fake joy... i'm often joyful, or entertained, or i think a joke is really funny, but i have a really hard time real laughing, i don't know why, but if someone makes me laugh for real i really want them as a close friend, 'cause that means they know some secrets to my heart without even knowing it. the reason i've been forced to develop a fake laugh, and fake smile is because if i don't use them people ask me "are you ok?"... i hate that... (unless i'm really not ok) i just don't smile/laugh easily at all... i wish i had a naturally joyful face... but i don't, apparently i look sad alot... even to my own mother. i have a pretty positive outlook on life, i mean i've got alot of crap just like every other human being on the planet... but i choose to deal with it differently. don't get me wrong either, i for sure have crappy days when i just want to cry all day because of what life throws at me... but most of the time i'm able to keep my outlook good (which i assure you isn't without effort). i've found that most of the time if you just choose to think about happy things, and try to have fun and forget issues that are not changing because of your dwelling on them, you'll most of the time be happier. so when you look at me, you aren't going to know how i'm feeling just by the way i appear... i try really hard for transparency, and i'll try to tell you the truth if you ask ( if i'm close enough to you) so if you want to know... i'd love to talk to you.