ok, so i said i had nothing to say, then i watched a movie, now i have something to say. In the movie i watched as a girl was tossed about like a worthless piece of garbage. first she was with her real mother, who was a witch and a freak, and went to jail. then with a woman who ended up shooting her in a jealous rage (she lived through it). then she finally landed with a woman who loved her, and cared about her, and wanted to know her. the girl gave love in return, but only to loose the woman to suicide. ( other circumstances in the woman's life caused her to give up). so here's this girl, unloved, uncared for, and back in the system. she had the chance to go with a family that seemed great. but she said no, and picked a thieving, prostituteish, uncaring, unloving woman instead. she didn't want to love anyone ever again, for fear they'd leave her in some way shape or form. I think she made a huge mistake. because even though all she'd ever seen in life was filled with lies, or taken away; she chose to never give love again. a quote i really like is:
i agree with that. now i've definitely had my share of loss, betrayal, and pain. But it's in the moments where i'm getting a little bit of love, where i find life. (read my previous blog on love for more insight into my take on love) many of the people i've loved the most, i now wouldn't trust with a single secret; they proved themselves not worthy of my love in some way or another. but those are things that have made me grow like nothing else. they've taught me what to look for in love, what to watch for, and what to strive for in myself. A friend of mine's mother told her (on the subject of crushes) "Like guys, like lots of guys, you don't need to pursue all of them, but examine them. figure out what you like about them, what you don't like, and the qualitys you want in yourself when you do find your right guy. it'll help you to build your lists, for him, and for yourself. if you never like guys you'll never know what to look for when the time's right."... i think that this doesn't just apply to guys (or girls if your a guy obviously). to me it applies to all relationships. i give love very freely, when i see someone i think i can trust with it. (when i say love i don't mean any of the physical things that sometimes come along with love). yes, many times i'm forced to take my love elsewhere, either because people a) don't want it. or b) don't deserve it. but i always learn new things, with every person i've loved i see more of what to look for. and the people that are still on my "list of loves" (i mean that in the best way. list of friends, family and guys. not just romantic love) ... i pray every day that they'll stay there. because they are a huge part of why i'm still here, they may not know it, but it's true. almost every day i'm meeting people, analyzing them, thinking "can i love this person?", lots of times i take the leap and try it, for the simple reason that i hope it works. does it often? no. but will i ever stop trying? i sure hope not.
reading over this i'm thinking "dang, i'm so human." i love those that deserving it?, i love people that love me in return, and want my love?... if my god was like me, we'd all be screwed. that's the truth. He loved us before we even gave a damn about him. we weren't worthy of his love, and still aren't. But yet, He loved us and still does.
Disclaimer: I try to do what god wants me to do, i do sometimes choose to love people who
can't/won't/don't give love in return. I know i need to give love sometimes without getting anything back. I'm ok with that, in fact those often teach me more than the other kind of love. So don't take this blog as me being a selfish brat (to put it lightly) who's only willing to love the people that will/can give it back. I love to love, and i love to serve. Especially those who need it the most. My heart has soooo much to give. i'd love to give it all. i just need a little bit back sometimes. and i like to be needed/wanted. i'm human, don't judge me too harshly.
Best wishes and LOVE.
Alanna
(btw, the movie finally ended with her realizing that she needed to trust again, and she finally found someone worth loving, who loved her in return. it didn't just end with her as a wreck)
’Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.-Alfred, Lord Tennyson
i agree with that. now i've definitely had my share of loss, betrayal, and pain. But it's in the moments where i'm getting a little bit of love, where i find life. (read my previous blog on love for more insight into my take on love) many of the people i've loved the most, i now wouldn't trust with a single secret; they proved themselves not worthy of my love in some way or another. but those are things that have made me grow like nothing else. they've taught me what to look for in love, what to watch for, and what to strive for in myself. A friend of mine's mother told her (on the subject of crushes) "Like guys, like lots of guys, you don't need to pursue all of them, but examine them. figure out what you like about them, what you don't like, and the qualitys you want in yourself when you do find your right guy. it'll help you to build your lists, for him, and for yourself. if you never like guys you'll never know what to look for when the time's right."... i think that this doesn't just apply to guys (or girls if your a guy obviously). to me it applies to all relationships. i give love very freely, when i see someone i think i can trust with it. (when i say love i don't mean any of the physical things that sometimes come along with love). yes, many times i'm forced to take my love elsewhere, either because people a) don't want it. or b) don't deserve it. but i always learn new things, with every person i've loved i see more of what to look for. and the people that are still on my "list of loves" (i mean that in the best way. list of friends, family and guys. not just romantic love) ... i pray every day that they'll stay there. because they are a huge part of why i'm still here, they may not know it, but it's true. almost every day i'm meeting people, analyzing them, thinking "can i love this person?", lots of times i take the leap and try it, for the simple reason that i hope it works. does it often? no. but will i ever stop trying? i sure hope not.
reading over this i'm thinking "dang, i'm so human." i love those that deserving it?, i love people that love me in return, and want my love?... if my god was like me, we'd all be screwed. that's the truth. He loved us before we even gave a damn about him. we weren't worthy of his love, and still aren't. But yet, He loved us and still does.
Disclaimer: I try to do what god wants me to do, i do sometimes choose to love people who
can't/won't/don't give love in return. I know i need to give love sometimes without getting anything back. I'm ok with that, in fact those often teach me more than the other kind of love. So don't take this blog as me being a selfish brat (to put it lightly) who's only willing to love the people that will/can give it back. I love to love, and i love to serve. Especially those who need it the most. My heart has soooo much to give. i'd love to give it all. i just need a little bit back sometimes. and i like to be needed/wanted. i'm human, don't judge me too harshly.
Best wishes and LOVE.
Alanna
(btw, the movie finally ended with her realizing that she needed to trust again, and she finally found someone worth loving, who loved her in return. it didn't just end with her as a wreck)
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