Adopted... Gang... Sealed

Messages these past few days have hit home for me in church/youth group. On sunday Pastor Dave was talking about familys and names and inherited traits and stuff, and he talked about how his daughter was adopted, and how we're adopted into gods family and all that shibang that church going people have probably heard before... but it hit at a whole new level for me, because the things i want to have in my own family, are things that i don't see in my current family. not that my family's all bad, but it's not all that great either. there are a few things that my family has got right that i'll keep hopefully in my own... but i want to do a whole lot different. (and by "own family" i mean my kids and husband one of these days)  *back on topic* the message was on us being orphans and god being our adoptive father and us being able to have his traits. that's the kind of family i want. even if all it is right now is a perfect father with unfailing love for his failiure of a daughter. that's all i've ever wanted, a perfect parent, perfect family, with no one to tarnish my name, or hurt me. (it's the other way around with my perfect father) and i'm a very emotion driven person deep down... i can function without having my emotional needs met because i have had to... but if i can learn to get all of my needs met by the only possible perfect family, that would be incredible... almost impossible to my brain. because i want love. in every sense of the word. i want meaningful hugs from my friends, i want others actions toward me to show me love, i want to be able to love without getting hurt, i want physical love someday from my husband (pshya!) i want to dwell in a place filled with love. but if i already have a perfectly loving father... i almost wanted to break down crying right there, all he things i wanted my whole life, right there in reach the whole time. (don't get me wrong i've been saved for a long time, i've had a perfect father for a long time) i just never took advantage of it, never lingered in his love and stopped caring so much about other love. because really, nothing could be better, i'm loved unconditionaly on a deeper level than ever before... because i'm accepting it, it's just like salvation, there for the having, you just have to get over yourself and take it. i am now, it's an incredible feeling knowing that there's more than enough love for me, even if i never get it from human beings. I really really hope i get it from humans one of these days too, (once again don't get me wrong, my parents do love me, and i do have loving friends... just not like i hope for) i want more than anything else to have a house filled with love to overflowing, because everyone in it has more than enough love from each other, and the perfect father. i want a godly husband who does his  very best to love his family with all that god gives him, and to raise his children right (with the help of his wife obviously) i want to be the kind of woman who can love, and give love away freely to my family, and all who i meet without running out, because i get enough stuffed into me to give away, and to never fear having my love taken advantage of, and stomped on. i want it all... so i'm praying my heart out to god for it... but til then, i know there's an unlimited suply of love... all i have to do is be strong enough (or weak enough, whichever way you want to look at it) to take it. another thing that hit home (kinda) was a story i heard today about a guy who was in a gang, he got saved and started going to church. after a while the pastor noticed he had stopped coming, and talked to him to see why, he replied "well, when i went to church i had the expectation that it would be like a gang, like a family. but it's not, a gang always backs each other up, and stays together, i guess i just had the wrong picture of church" the pastor was appalled because that IS what a church is supposed to be. and most of the time it does a pretty crappy job of it in my book. we need to be a gang... family, backing each other up, and staying together. not just a once or twice a week, "hey brother jesus loves you" but compadres to each other... together, f.a.m.i.l.y... the type that god models for us. just chalenging for me alot, because i've always held this opinion, i've just never heard it put that way before. and as far as "Sealed" tonight we were talking about the holy spirit, and yada ya... but one passage stuck out to me, Ephesians 1:13-14 "And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory" i got the picture of a kings wax seal on something very important. wait wait... on me! i got the kings important, special seal. i pictured the bright red melty wax seal stamped with some kind of incredible crown, or something... i'm definitely getting that as a tattoo, asap, just to remind me of that fact. so ya... all for the night... er, morning. i couldn't sleep for all that i was thinking about. 'night :')