This is just me taking to god, i had to get it down somewhere because i couldn't get it straight in my head. you can read it if you want... maybe it'll get you into my head a little bit.
I’m ready to let it all go. i’m not sure what lead me to this but this is it, i’m giving it ALL to you. i’ve done stupid things, and been stupid enough to try to push my own plans into motion, even when it evidently wasn’t where you wanted me. i’ve wanted love for so long that i find myself fantasizing over the slightest hint of it... i’ve tried to push love into being too. i’ve never felt what i know real love is like somewhere out there. i don’t know if i ever will either, even though it's the thing i want more than anything else on this earth. teach me that You are my true love, and that you need to be the one i want more than anything else. I want your will... i just want it to happen now. i have it in my head that there’s some incredible, unimaginable future lurching just around the corner... i don’t know if that exists or not. but i need to learn patience, trust, and dependence a little more huh?... i hate depending on other people, because too many times i’ve depended... then been thrown to the dogs, or just forgotten in the dirt. I want there to be a human being (other than jesus) that i can actually tell my secrets to, and depend on, and show all of the things that i hide... i don’t want to hide things, but they’re things that could ruin my past present and future... at least they seem that way to me. i want to trust someone with those, and i’ve tried to see if i’m just being blind to the right person... but i don’t see one right now, no one to step up and be worthy of my trust. just help me to rely fully on you, and for me to feel that you’re all i need, until if and when i meet that person, and i feel help here. that’s all.
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