Home?

The place i've grown up and always called "my home" I've never really seen as that. i've been waiting for my real one my whole life thus far. My mom and dad are my parents. but i have never really had a good parent-child relationship with them. it's always been kind of hard to live here... with my family, the only one that's seen anything real from me at all is Gabe. and he's only seen a little bit. I watch my friend's familys, and lives... and it's hard... i cant help but imagine sometimes what my life would be like if i had had a different family. I hope someday in this life that i find an amazing man who i can make a real home with. Don't get me wrong, my parents did the best they could with what they had, there's a lot of stuff in their backgrounds that i know hindered them in our family, and their relationships with each other. There have been moments in my life that have almost torn me away from god all together, and made me a completely plastic christian. But God prevailed, and now he's the only reason i keep on ... In James 1:2-4 it says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." and in 1 Timothy 6:11 it says "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." notice in the timothy one he's to pursue all these spiritual things and then "endurance" ... so it's actually a biblical quality to be able to endure things. and in the other one he says that we're supposed to be joyful when hard stuff comes. i've decided to "grin and bear it" and try to have the best time i possibly can until i'm actually somewhere i want to be. I know the only perfect home i'll ever have is heaven, and that's probably not for a while... probably... but i want something good. where people build me up and don't constantly try to tear me down and restrict me. If my parents are reading this (unlikely) know that i really do love you, and i know you did your best with what you had, so don't have any regrets. that won't help anything.  I just really hope i'll see "Home" in the near future. Night.