epic... impatience/dreaming/betrayedness?

so... i hung around friends all day yesterday... lots of different ones. old ones, new ones, ones who are weird... well... basically all of my good friends are weird :') thought alot about what i want to do with my life, was slightly challenged by some things, and i'm trying to figure out how to proceed until my dreams start to come true... (they will someday i'm certain, but in my dreams they happen really really soon) ...spent a small amount of time with a person who's very special to me, i don't know if they can really understand the extent of just how much i love them. so... would you like to hear my dreams/wishes?... well, you'll have to ask me, i just might tell you! i got to hide from people, got to discuss pregnancy and sex... more so the sex, good discussions, but i swear every person i talked to yesterday had there mind on that topic  (from a godly standpoint though for sure). i'm praying for someone very close to me right now, he's getting into all kinds of messed up things and when i talk to him about the topic he just acts like everything is fine, and that he would never do such things it's tearing small pieces of me out (picture barbed wire imbeded in skin, then being pulled out one barb at a time... that's what this does to me, and i don't even fully understand why the barbed wire is even having to happen, i never thought it'd be him un-purposely inflicting barbed wire torture on me) this guy is one of the very few people who i've always felt like i could tell anything to, and he's always told me his secrets, but now i feel betrayed, ignored, useless, and like a third wheel on his life... one of the worst parts is that i shouldn't even know these things in the first place... i only know because i was being snoopy and saw text and facebook messages i shouldn't have. so i'm in a bind and the only thing i can think of to do is pray. so pray for strength for me right now, he's not really someone i want to kick out of my life, or even if i did i couldn't, so this really gets to me (not so much that i can't function, or that i'm depressed, but it hurts every time i think about it). on a different note i am super hopeful on something secret to only me, and REALLY want it to work out, even though it's one of the longest shots i've ever imagined... but it'd be perfect, and make someone else's life a million times better too!  so ya... that's my life right now. Just me.